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Humorous aspects of hearing aids
A funny thing happened at a funeral the other day. Sadly, my friend and neighbour died suddenly. He and I often joked about who would go first and so I won. No second chances. We both had various medical problems. Mine is a non-life-threatening hearing deficiency and a few twinges here and there; his was more deadly and his heart needed to rest permanently. At the church in Saltney, Chester, I sat in a pew observing those in black around me, I noticed three things. One was I wore non-black, secondly I couldn't hear very weill, and thirdly there was a wire above me in a circuit leading to the microphone in the pulpit. My friend used to tease me about my bicycle riding and once observed (wrongly in my view) that I was nearly taken out by a Jeep. We agreed that if my funeral arrived first, he’d wear a colourful cycling outfit to my funeral and reciprocally I’d wear the same to his. I chickened out on my full lycra shorts and bright red and yellow jersey, but wore a blue and red cardigan and my green Royal Meteorological Society tie. As for the latter: in the days when I wore ties to work he was the only one who’d noticed the logo on my tie and query it. It’s the ancient Greek Tower of the Winds in Athens. Back to the church and that overhead wire. My new digital hearing aids have a "T" setting for a loop system. This is a cunning closed broadcast device that transmits along the wire from a microphone. A hearing aid switched to loop can pick up the sounds really clearly as long as they are close to the wire. So sitting in the pew and not hearing the lovely lady minister all that well on normal hearing aid settings, I switched to loop. Nope - even worse. But later we had to stand for the prayer and hymns. Bingo! My ears were now sufficiently close to the overhead wire to hear her! Alas she instructed us to sit again for the eulogy and other stuff (sorry religious folks, but it’s mumbo jumbo to me - even with good hearing - but I know it was meant with the intention of helping mourners feel better. On the other hand, assume there’s no one up there and live a good life to your best because there’s no second chance). As soon as stood up, a little too slow compared to my neighbours, I heard the priest say really cleary - 'Now, sit down!' So I could hear standing up but not when sitting down. My neighbour would have laughed the coffin lid into the air if he knew.
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May, 2012
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